grief support letters/special days/holidays/thanksgiving two

“Sing psalms and hymns and inspired songs among yourselves,

Singing and changing to the Lord in your hearts,

Always and everywhere giving thanks to God 

Who is our Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 

Ephesians 5:19-20

Dear Friend,

The celebration of Thanksgiving harkens back to a tradition of giving thanks to God for bountiful harvests, for blessings, for friendship, and for family. It is a time when extended families gather, sharing food and companionship, making memories that will last a lifetime—and an eternity. 

Memories of shared Thanksgiving celebrations can become bittersweet—even painful in the absence of loved ones who have ‘gone before us in the sign of faith.’ Even if this is your second, third, or fourth Thanksgiving without your loved one, the difficulty of ‘celebrating’ in the face of loss remains.

You may have tried to do something different on the first Thanksgiving after your loved one died. Or maybe you decided last year to try and keep most things the same. This year it might be time to evaluate how last year or the year before worked for you—and to make changes if necessary. You might find it takes you several years to find the right balance between the old and the new, between the traditions of the past, and the way you wish to ‘remember’ and to ‘celebrate’ in the future. 

Some people find that lighting a candle before a picture of the missing loved one and sharing a prayer of thanksgiving can be a source of peacefulness on Thanksgiving. One idea is to invite children and adults to share a memory or story about the loved one, draw a picture, or write a note. These memories might be placed in a basket and read aloud or simply prayed over. Or perhaps memories or stories can be shared during the preparation of the meal or in the planning for the day. 

No matter how you choose to incorporate your loved one into the holiday, know that naming the sorrow, and giving it, and the person for whom you grieve a ‘place’ in the holiday celebration makes the entire day more bearable. Still, the core of Thanksgiving is thanks. And that can be a challenge when one is grieving. Does one ‘give thanks’ during sorrow? If so, how? The scripture quote above offers a grief-related spiritual roadmap of sorts, though at first glance, the admonition: "always and everywhere giving thanks to God," might seem unrealistic, even artificial, especially in the face of living with grief. 

But upon reading further, we discover the wisdom within the words. We see that the apostle Paul asks us to strive, always and everywhere to give thanks to the good God who created us and gave our loved ones to us, the God of compassion who gave us life and who gives us everlasting consolation through grace. We are not asked to thank God that our loved one is dead or for the way in which he or she died, or the grief that overwhelms us—but only to thank God for the life of our beloved—and for His ever-present consolation amid our sorrow. In his letter to the Philippians, St. Paul instructs us:

“Let your requests be made known to God—and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

These are the words that have comforted those in distress for two thousand years. Just breathing them in, and repeating them over and over, can be a prayer of supplication, a request for the very peace of heart that is promised to us—a peace of heart that really does surpass understanding. 

Which of us really understands why it is that redemption inevitably follows a cross, that resurrection, of necessity comes after suffering? Or that in some way, through His great love, God makes ‘all things work together unto good for those that believe.’ All things, even the darkness of death, the sorrow of grief. It really is difficult—and without God, utterly incomprehensible.

"Let your requests be known to God" requests of comfort for the sorrowing, requests for peace during grief, requests to endure the holiday with grace—all these requests and more will be granted to us, with ‘the peace which surpasses all understanding.’ When we celebrate, we are reminded of the transformational power of a shared meal. We become one body, one spirit in Christ. 

The thanksgiving meal we share with family and friends can transform us as well, giving us the sustenance, we need to work through ‘our grieving time’ together.  It certainly gives us peace to know that the Lord our God loves us always, and that He accompanies us always, never abandoning us on the path of grief, even in the bittersweet sorrow of a holiday celebration. 

May the Lord bless you and your family this Thanksgiving. 

In Christ,

Eileen